We’re seeing a lot of really powerful Asian women emerging, and Dr. Marissa Pei is one of those. Dubbed as The Asian Oprah, Dr. Marissa is an organizational psychologist, a speaker, a consultant, a best-selling author and host of the podcast “Take My Advice, I’m Not Using It: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa.” She joins us to talk about her book, finding balance, podcasting, being happy from wherever you are, and enjoying life 88% of the time.
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How To Be Happy From Wherever You are with Dr. Marissa Pei
I have one of my favorite people to hang out at events and covers of red carpet or wherever we’re going to cover, Dr. Marissa Pei. You are a radio phenom and a podcast phenom. You are an award-winning podcast host. You have a great podcast. I love the name of it. It‘s Take My Advice, I’m Not Using It: Get Balanced With Dr. Marissa Pei. I love that title.
Thank you, I do too. It gives me permission not to follow my own advice. You are one of my favorite people too. Tracy Hazzard, the Amazing superwoman, extraordinaire.
Thank you so much. I love that we get to do that. We get to operate in the same circles. I want to talk a little bit about your background too because you have got quite the resume here. You’re an organizational psychologist. You speak and consult all over the world. You’re trying to get people to be happy 88% of the time and we’re going to talk about that. You have a bestselling book and you told me it just made a big list.
It’s number four on Denver Post and number one on Amazon.
It’s 8 Ways to Happiness. This is the part I love From Wherever You Are. I love the title of that one as well. I’ve written an article on you on Thrive Global specifically about that book. I love the book. It was one of my favorite ones that I read. The lists of awards are outstanding. I really want to just dive right in. You’re named The Asian Oprah and I love that because you are just putting yourself out there. We’re seeing a lot of really powerful Asian women emerging.
We had an entire ancestry of not talking and not be seen and walking behind and the nail that stands up his hammered down. Now, that we’re over that, we have some permission and some encouragement to speak out. I was actually introduced to Oprah as The Asian Oprah by Michael Bernard Beckwith. That was amazing. Her response was just smile, looked down and said, “Nice pants.” My biggest dilemma was not saying, “Do you want them?” I didn’t say that and I’m just so grateful. What an honorable moniker that is. She single-handedly has changed the whole beautiful fullness direction. I attribute introducing spirituality to the mainstream to her and her ability. This is why I aspire to be real and to be kind. I think she is real and kind and powerful and no apologies and also takes her past and her pain. As I say in my book, “Pain in life is mandatory but suffering is optional.” She’s a true, absolute example of that. I’m honored every time someone says, “You’re the Asian Oprah.”
You‘ll find that her book is full of those type of sound bite, wonderful phrases that stick in your head, also just really funny. You’re funny in person, but you come across funny on paper too which is as hard to do. This is a thing, it’s like so much of what you’ve been able to accomplish and you’ve been podcasting for quite some time.The more you can be who you are, the more you can smile and laugh, which is what life is all about. Click To Tweet
I’m 388 consecutive weeks on the air. In 2016, I won the Podcast of the Year Top Ten in Health Award. I’ve continued to be recognized and this is why it’s important for me because I truly want to balance out all the CNN constantly negative news story that’s on there, that are constantly bringing people down. It’s not really the media’s fault because we gravitate towards horror or bad things that happened. We’re spinning in this negativity as a country, as a nation and as a world. It’s my job to draw people to me who absolutely want to balance out all the bad news with what’s good with life, what’s good with you, what’s good with everything that’s around us. I love that. That’s my job.
As we were talking about Asian women, I just read a statistic yesterday that 80% of the women billionaires are in Asia. There are not enough women billionaires as it is, but 80% of them are Asians. Having a diverse perspective, as you approach your show, as you approach the media and approach what you do is extremely important because you’re then exposing everyone else to things that they might not have heard or seen. That’s what I love most about my ability to write my columns. I now have a third column, Authority Magazine. We’ll have to get your feature there.
People ask me if my sleep. I am turning to you because your kids are younger than mine. I’ve got an empty nest. I don’t know how you do it.
I’m sleeping less now because as you know, I’ve got a puppy. The kids sleep great. It’s the puppy that’s keeping me up because of that last-minute potty trip at night and the midnight feeding. It’s the same thing. That’s what I love best about my columns and about my writing is that I get to expose great people who are doing really fun things and interesting things that I find inspiring that not everybody would hear about otherwise. It’s great to not just have that diversity going on. That’s what I love about my women podcasters that I’m highlighting now.
Thank you so much and it’s perfect timing too to talk about the Asian because Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill classic, has Think and Grow Rich for Women, Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice and Think and Grow Rich: A Latino Choice. It didn’t have Asian choices. Until now, John Shin, who you know as well, and another one of my big brothers wrote Think and Grow Rich: Asian Choices. It’s coming out. We’re going all over the world including China and Japan, fifteen US cities, twelve countries. We want everyone to know that they have the ability to think and grow rich. Our public school system is inadvertently teaching people to be good at one thing so that you can work for somebody and be an expert in something. You have a JOB, Just Over Broke.
It’s so important for all of us to recognize that we can do and have everything that we want. The principles that Napoleon Hill shared, the longest standing self-development, business success book is going to be shared all over and I’m part of that. I’m so proud of that because I want everyone. I don’t want this the top 3% of the population is in control of 97% of us. No more, that’s a belief system. The way it is, whose time has come. I just wanted to offer everyone that’s watching. If you go to TGRWorldTour.com, I’ll save you. It’s my Asian Oprah giveaway. I’ll save you $200 on the tickets. If you just go there and use DRM for Dr. Marissa and you’ll save $200 because I want to see you on tour. This is such an important effort. It’s not a get motivated thing. It’s truly about educating the masses so that everyone doesn’t go hungry. Everyone has the wealth that they want or the success that they want.
I’m glad you do it because that’s one thing that I’ve been inspired by you. You are a great promoter. Look at us, not to be outdone. You had to get your flag even though the mic’s not hooked up. That’s important because if we don’t get our message out, then we aren’t going to have the impact that we want to have. That’s not about the sale, that’s about making sure that we’re sharing.
That’s such an important point because selling and promoting has gotten a bad name because, “Who do you think you are? You shouldn’t toot your own horn.” especially as women and that’s BS. It’s a belief system that keeps women behind. It keeps us down. It keeps us under the radar. The reality is every one of us, 7.3 billion of us have a unique talent, gift and ability. You can be really good at what you do, but if you don’t share what it is, nobody knows especially women. I hope we have enough time. I just wanted to share this one thing because many women think they are not as good looking, not as smart and not as thin as they are. This is a women thing.
Our perception is all skewed.
They walk by and they don’t want to look and if someone pays you a compliment as a woman and you’re like, “Nice hair,” “I didn’t wash it.” Just take the compliment. Women have to start believing and seeing themselves differently than we do. We don’t do anyone a service by playing small. We don’t do anyone a service by being hard on ourselves or humble. Stop it.
That’s what I really love about podcasting when I first started. You have been doing this for a while. We’ve been doing these five years now. I love the idea that it’s just my voice at first. I was not really comfortable on the camera part of it. It seemed like too much setup for me to be honest. I got the camera, I got to comb my hair. If nobody knows what I look like, my voice is fine. At least I didn’t have a hang--up on that. Going out and just putting yourself out there and starting to do that gave me the next level of competence which was, “Let’s just go live.” What’s the difference there?”
I remember the very first live stream. It’s funny that you said that about men. The very first live stream I ever did for our 3D Print podcast and Tom and I did it in our studio showing off our equipment and things like that for 3D printing geeks. We get this message back on the live stream from one of our fans who we knew as a fan because he’d been messaging us all along. He’d been a fan since the very beginning and he said to me, “That’s not what I imagined you and Tom to look like.” I answered back and I said, “What did you think we look like?” He said, “I thought you were taller. I thought Tom had more hair.” I started laughing. I sent a message back saying, “We both think we are. Tom have more hair and I’m taller so we’re good.”
People would say to me, “You have a face for radio.” I say, “Is that a mean joke?” This is why it’s so important for women to stop being so hard on themselves is because if you’re a person that says, “I’m the hardest on myself. I’m my own worst critic. I’m not harder on anybody else than I am on myself.” Most women will say that and men too. If you’re a person that says that, stop it. It doesn’t serve you to be so hard on yourself. There’s a beautiful Native American Indian saying that says, “When there is no enemy within, then no one outside can hurt you.” We carry these belief systems that are negative about ourselves. It could have most likely started there, the seven out of ten of us who had childhood trauma. We carry that into our present.
We’re constantly looking for love in all the wrong places. We’re constantly looking for approval over or over and you’re never going to get it because they’re focused on their own reality show. I want you to be focused on your own reality show. What do you do good? At the end of the day, don’t think about all the things that you’ve forgotten to do or didn’t do or shouldn’t have said this or shouldn’t have said that. Think of the things that you did well and you can go, “I’ve finished this. I started this. I was kind. I was smart. I was funny.” The more you can reinforce who you really are because that’s who you really are, then the more you can shine brighter. The more you can be who you are, the more you can smile and laugh which is what life is all about, the more you can love and care and wonder and create and be.Our fundamental purpose is to enjoy life. Click To Tweet
The theme is #BalanceforBetter and I added #LifeInHarmony because I’m a fan of balance not being an alone thing because it’s incredibly hard to hold a balance pose forever by yourself. I know you’ve gone through a lot in your life. I know that from reading your book and you’ve had a lot of opportunities that you‘ve had to shift everything, rebalance and refined your new harmony again. That changes over time. I think that’s a really important lesson that you have. Would you share just a little bit about that?
My license plate says, “Balance.” My website is 4Balance.org. Balance to me is one of the keys to happiness because people think, “I’ll be happy when,” or “When I finish this, I will be happy. When this gets done, when my kids are out of college, when my parents are well again, when I finish this, when I have the house.” You’re always in this place of never enough because even when you get that, “I didn’t do this or this. This still needs to get done.” My definition of balance is having what you want and wanting what you have. There’s the key. That‘s the prescription for the disease of perfectionism.
Many of us, especially high-achieving women are perfectionists. Perfectionism, the upside of that is it gives you the impetus to finish things or accomplish things or achieve things. The bad news about it is, you’re always in that place of it’s not done. It’s not finished. When you end up in your deathbed, every single successful person has said, “I wish I had spent more time in their relationships. I wish I had spent more time appreciating what I have.” That’s the number one would have, should have, could have. I’m here. You don’t have to wait until your deathbed. You can start right now and go, “I want to appreciate who I am, where I am, what I have in the fullness of life and who I am and what I have and where I am.” When I can do that 88% of the time, then I am successful. I don’t have to wait to be successful. I started a new show. I don’t know if you know that.
What’s the new show?
It’s called Don’t Worry, Choose Happy. It’s a strict calling show, (816) 251-3555, every Thursday. It’s for people who want to balance their life tires. Talk about balance. I give advice that I don’t use all the time, but 88% of the time. It’s so important, especially for women to realize who they are and how good they are. One of the callers was like, “I don’t know what my purpose is in life.” She’s 60 and I’m like, “You’ve had several purposes already and reveling that. You have a purpose. You’re living your purpose. All of us are living our purpose.” Our fundamental purpose is to enjoy life. That’s our fundamental purpose. Are you loving where you are 88% of the time? Are you tasting delicious food? Are you listening to gorgeous music? Are you seeing Mother Nature showing off? Are you hugging and holding and touching and feeling little puppies or children? That is the purpose of life. All the things that we’re succeeding, the feeling of achievement, that’s a purpose.
You say 88%. I want to get back to that. I love that it’s not 100% because that’s like that perfect balance. I’m going to hold a pose on one foot all by myself forever. That’s not what you’re talking about here.
If you’re 100% happy, you’re dead. The reason why I say 88%, it’s pretty up there. Eight is actually a lucky number in Mandarin in Chinese. I know you thought I was Swedish, but I’m Chinese. Eight is a homonym for good fortune. 88 is double good fortune. Our good fortune as human beings in life is to be in joy and enjoy our lives 88% of the time. That’s why we’re alive. That’s why we’re here. We somehow got hijacked and distracted by the message that the only way to be successful is to either be an MVP pro player or a rock star or have giant houses and multiple cars. That’s the only definition of success. I use Emerson’s definition of success because I love it so much. It’s, “To laugh often and much, to know that one life has breathed easier because you have lived.” I’m successful every single day because I love to laugh.
That’s why you’re so fun to hang out with. Dr. Marissa Pei, thank you so much for being on my show and sharing International Women’s Day with me because I love the women in my life and I love the women in my network. They’re amazing and I want you all to hear from them. Go find them. Your show is on iHeart, it’s on Spotify and it’s everywhere, just like all of those other podcasts. Take My Advice, I’m Not Using It and Don’t Worry, Choose Happy.
I’m @DocBalance on Instagram. Go to Facebook to Dr. Marissa, give me the finger and we’ll stay connected. Please do join me in all the places that we’re going on our TGR World Tour. Use DRM to save money.
I will be sure to push you out on LinkedIn because I have a large Asian community on LinkedIn. As you would travel around the world, we want them to join you and find you. That’s really important.
I’m so grateful for you. I love you so much. Peace in, peace out, that’s world peace through inner peace.
Thank you so much. Happy International Women’s Day.
- Dr. Marissa Pei
- Take My Advice, I’m Not Using It: Get Balanced With Dr. Marissa Pei
- 8 Ways to Happiness
- Thrive Global – Article
- Think and Grow Rich
- Think and Grow Rich for Women
- Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice
- Think and Grow Rich: A Latino Choice
- Don’t Worry, Choose Happy
- @DocBalance – Instagram
- Dr. Marissa – Facebook
About Dr. Marissa Pei
Dr. Marissa, celebrity host of the 2016 Podcast of the Year Top 10 in Health Award-winning show “Take My Advice, I’m Not Using It: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa” is an organizational psychologist, speaking and consulting all over the world motivating individuals and organizations to be happy 88% of the time. Her show guests include bestselling authors like Dr. John Gray and Don Miguel Ruiz, Marianne Williamson to MaryAnn from Gilligan’s Island and Muhammed Ali’s daughter Laila Ali. She moonlights as a Red Carpet MC and Celebrity Host interviewing stars like Halle Berry, John Travolta and Quincy Jones to use their limelight to highlight causes that help heal our Planet. Winner of the 2014 Asian Heritage Award, 2012 Asian Entrepreneur of the Year Award and the 2017 Iconic Women Creating a Better World for All, she is a sought after Global Thought Leader. Her Balance Tools include the APP 21 Day Fast from Complaining, which has helped improve all kinds of relationships since 2011, and her DVD Balance Tai QiQong, a moving meditation that promotes Inner Peace One Breath at a Time. Dr. Marissa’s newest book “8 Ways to Happiness from Wherever You Are” increases the splatter zone for her message of Hope and Happiness for the Planet. In her spare seconds, she raises recovering teenagers, races sailboats and lives out her life motto: No Regrets for the past and Don’t Die Wondering for the future.
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